Great news readers!

Because I’m sitting here in Tech Rehearsal BORED OUT OF MY FREAKIN’ SKULL (see yesterday’s blog for clarification) I wisely spent these last few BRAIN-NUMBING HOURS coming up with a punny “catchphrase/name” that will apply not only to you fanatic readers of this invaluable theatrical blog, but also to the soon-to-be rabid fans of the actual show (yes, why wait till the show actually opens to see if it has fans.) Just like Rent had its Rentheads and Xanadu had its Fanadus, I thought it was high time WHILE WAITING FOR THIS ENDLESS LIGHTING CUE TO BE SET to linguistically embrace all you lovers of the Tox.

So try this one on for side– you will now be called … drumroll, drumroll, drumroll …


You like? You like?

I think it’s superb, and it was so much more fun thinking that up than actually trying to pay attention to Tech Rehearsal. Yeah, Rando, we get it — the lighting has to be “good” and the set has to be “safe” and the sound has to be “crisp” and the costume changes have to “work.” Still, boring, boring, boring.

Having overstated that point, I thought I’d share with you the reason why Tech is important. Today we “teched” Melvin’s transformation into The Toxic Avenger. Let me set the scene — two illiterate Jerey thugs (sparkingly played by Demond Green and Matthew Saldivar) chase the hapless Melvin Ferd the Third (warmly played by Nick Cordero) up a two story mound of toxic waste barrels. They dangle the terrifiied Melvin over a bubbling, goo-filled barrel and, through a linguistic miscommunication, accidently drop him into it. Melvin disappears into the goo, meaning Nick Codero disappears into the goo (Note to world: this is why I’m a writer and not an actor who has to endure things like being dropped, head-first, into goo-filled barrels. Although I am in remarkable physical condition for a man of 47 years youngish guy, I still prefer not to be dropped into a barrel of goo.) Anyhoo, the thugs, realizing what they’ve done, decide to run away but they change their plans when the smokin’ hot Sarah strolls by and they decide to rape her instead. However, before their filthy hands have their filthy way, The Toxic Avenger (i.e. Nick) emerges from the same barrel into which he was discarded, spitting slime and ready to hurt someone. Nick needs to transform himself from Melvin into a mutant in about 90 seconds, and he does thanks to the awesome make-up/mask/prosthetic work of John Dods (see the video on this site of the master at work) and our awesome backstage crew. It had to be teched over and over again, but when they got it down — it was way cool.

So that is why tech is important and that is why whiney writers like me get ignored at this time — so actual, valuable work gets done. But I hope you enjoyed that story, Toxaholics (hey, that’s the first time anyone’s used that phrase in a sentence!! How’d it feel?? I hope good..)

By the way, I just ran into John Dods backstage and he was sewing up a large string of intenstines that the Toxic Avenger will be pulling out of one of the thugs. He’s got like the best job ever.

Wishing you all Toxaholic love and joy,