Yes, Toxaholics, today we have our last two previews (yay!) — a Sunday matinee full of rockin’ seniors and then a 7 PM show full of folks who don’t want the weekend to end.

But here’s a story that I absolutely must share with you. After yesterday’s matinee, I heard the best question EVER asked to me by an audience member. I know, I know what you’re thinking, “Joe, you’re overhyping again! Is it really the best question EVER?” Well listen up, Toxaholics —

Immediately following the matinee, I was standing in the back of the theatre and this absolutely lovely woman came up to me (I doubt she knew who I was; I probably just looked like I was with the show) — and she immediately started to gush — “Wasn’t that fantastic? The choreography! The songs! And the actors were amazing! I have just one question, though — ”

“What is it?”, I said, basking in the comfy warmth of her praise.

“Why didn’t the two dancing girls come out at the end during the curtain call?”

Now, for those of you who haven’t seen the show, the ‘two dancing girls’ are actually Demond Green and Matthew Saldivar, who also play about ten other roles in the show, which I explained to this lovely woman.

“Wow,” she said, “they were good.”

Of course, I immediately ran backstage to relay this to Demond and Matthew, who seemed both happy and a bit disturbed. But I loved it. And I loved her.

Now this question got me thinking, “Hm, I wonder if there are other questions I should be answering for inquisitive theatregoers?” Of course, I get sent tons of questions everyday, but most are unfortunately written in the dead language of Greenlandic Norse, which I don’t speak (except for the common phrase, “Hangu Smittenask Du,” which, of course, means “What up, bitches?”)

Anyway, I decided to ask my two freeloaders good friends from Chicago who are staying with me, George and Scott, to provide me with five Toxic Avenger questions that they would like to know and I could share with all you Toxaholics.

So what are their five questions? Well, they could actually only think of two (note to self: get smarter friends,) so I had to come up with the other questions myself. Jeez.

Q: Did you see the original film before you were asked to write the musical?
A: Good question, Scott and George! Yes, but many, many years ago when I was a much younger lad. But I remembered the premise and the tone of the film, and I immediately said I was interested. And when David Bryan and I met with the mad genius behind the flick, Lloyd Kaufman, he said that we should take his baby and run with it, which we did. He also gave us invaluable advice which was — “always remember it’s a comedy first.” Oddly, he then gave us herpes.

Q: Since the Black Dude and the White Dude play several characters (including dancing girls!) did you have to chart out which characters could be on stage at any given time?
A: Another good question, Scott and George! Yep, I definitely was very aware of who could be on stage and when. And if you notice — BIG SPOILER ALERT AHEAD! DON’T READ IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE SHOW OR IF YOU HAVE SEEN THE SHOW BUT HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW IT ENDS SO YOU PLAN TO SEE IT AGAIN TO REMIND YOURSELF HOW IT ENDS! In the final scene, when Sarah fires the first shot at the Mayor, it misses her and hits The Guy With The Pitchfork (played sparkingly by Demond Green.) Now, the main reason the bullet hits The Guy With The Pitchfork (which actually turns out to be pretty damn funny) is so Demond can stagger off-stage and then reenter a couple of minutes later as Professor Ken and save the day.

Q: I have no idea what the hell your show is about. Using other shows as reference points, could you describe “The Toxic Avenger” as though you were pitching it a simple-minded television executive?
A: Sure. “The Toxic Avenger” is like if “Little Shop of Horrors” met “Bat Boy” and then they fell in love and gave birth to a baby comprised of “Urinetown” and “The Producers” and that freak baby grew up and started dating “Rocky Horror Picture Show” but then they had a bad break-up and the show wanted to date “West Side Story” but “West Side Story” stood them up so the show just decided to stand on their own and it pimp-slapped “My Fair Lady” and became — ta da! — “The Toxic Avenger.” Does that help?
A: Yes, very much! That clears up a lot. Thank you.

Q: How have the critics been reacting to the show thus far?
A: Good question! And though a lot of critics have been to see the show already (one more handsome than the next!) we won’t know until the reviews come out late Monday night/Tuesday morning. However, last night one rather rotound critic came in late (!) to see the show (and the way you know if someone is a critic is if they are holding a green folder that our press reps gave to them.) So this esteemed gentleman of the press walked in late and he was seated in the one empty seat in the house (which happened to be right next to David Bryan) and, according to David’s eyewitness report, the rotound gentleman proceeeded to fall asleep for the entire show. And this ain’t exactly a quiet show. But I’m sure he loved it anyway!

Q: Is The Toxic Avenger the best musical ever written? And c’mon, be honest. No lying.
A: Yes, it is.

Well, I hope that was informative, Toxaholics! And thanks, George and Scott for giving me five four three two questions!

Till tomorrow —

With hot toxic love,